| confused |
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| 05:20am 12/07/2005 |
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mood:  awake music: pink floyd - time
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is it just me or has more and more people stopped thinking for themselves. those who only see whats in front of their eyes, not willing and afraid to see reality, or of what reality really is. ignorance isnt bliss, the world is way more than just what your parents, teachers, friends, and the media tells you. truth is through experience, knowing life and the shit that comes your way, is the only path to wisdom. hiding from the world help, what you hear and what you see is often a quarter of the story.
open your mind, not your wallet |
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| owww |
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| 11:38am 10/06/2005 |
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mood:  thoughtful music: the doors - the end
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im beginning to feel the effects of all the excess
body in peril, cocaine eyes, heart broken by chemicals...
the summer seems to be the worst time to slow down, what should i do?
what certain drugs taught me:
cannibus = the drug that never let me down, my love. widely accepted, it IS THE GATEWAY DRUG. but, its also one of the least problematic. its was one of my first steps into my awakening, helping me discover what i didnt see, beyond the physical realm. words cant describe what it made my mind discover in those many days of teenage summers. now, after prolonged use, its effects died down. but when taken, it brings all the good memories of time long ago. something i dont think i'll be able to toss aside, at least in my youth.
shrooms = even though i havent taken this in a long time, my experiences were unforgetable, mixing of horrific nightmares and mystical dreams.
lucy in the sky = hmmmmm....ill probably write about this another time
white rabbit = fucking shit, this is one of the most addictive drugs out there, its myths all true. it turned off my brain, and at times my medicine to sober me up. mixing this shit with other chemicals, specially hallucinogens can have extremely intense effects.
alright, im fucking tired...ill finish this another day |
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| madness |
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| 09:22pm 31/03/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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second semester, ever since ive gotten back to SF from winter break, things just keep getting harder and harder. Though my school work seems relatively unchanging, and the stress bearable. But, it's what happens outside of class and academics that really puts me on the edge, yet not so much as before. so far, i have had cops bust me for smoking in my dorm, getting written up consequtively for odd reasons, finally getting kicked out of the dorms over winterbreak, having to commute ever-so-often to class from my current position in san jose to the hills of san francisco, getting another parking ticket after waking up to specifically move it to avoid a ticket, and now...after a very long day of drug usage with friends, i found my car with two bashed windows...glass everywhere...my guitar and various other things stolen. i was mad at the moment, bashed the shit out of my squeege that was in the car and throwing whatever in my hands in a very furious manner. once i had calmed down with a good old turkish gold...and another....and a few more, i packed up my stuff, took a sniff off the aspen snow, and headed back to san jose at 90mph.
"what a long, tiring freshman year i've been having," i thought to myself. But indeed, i had experienced much of lifes ups and downs in such a small brief of time. What does it mean? Was life teaching me a lesson? Do i DESERVE this shit? Or is life preparing me for the storm? My Karma is certainly a strange case, i either have realllly good luck or really bad luck, events that seems too odd and out of the blue to be coincidence. i do agree to the idea that the more hardships a man goes through, the more stronger he becomes in the long run. But, when is it going to settle? will it settle? perhapes not...perhapes it will get worse, only time can tell. |
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| it raining |
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| 02:14pm 19/02/2005 |
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mood:  high music: le tigre - deceptacon
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its raining.....and it been raining....
thursday: went on a roadtrip with mike, david, and danny to the beaches in pacifica. smoked a blunt and listened to dark side of the moon on the way back to campus. mai, sarah, and mai's friend found me...in a daze of confusion...took me to popscene. sadly, popscene was overcrowded with city kids waiting to see HOT HOT HEAT....so we left haha. By the time i walked a few blocks away from popscene, the drugs started taking effect. DRUNK, CONFUSED, and HAVING FUN, we went to someone's house, of which i have almost no memory of. sometime during the night, i puked, having drunk half a bottle of Southern Comfort and some of a 40 oz.
friday: I WOKED UP VERY VERY VERY VERY HUNGOVER. i pretty slept during most of the day, woke up around 5pm and little did i know (or did i?) that one of my drug binges would soon start. the night was weird, and we kept getting ditched, but all in all...the night was pretty fun. my nose hurts...=[ |
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| excess |
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| 08:29pm 06/02/2005 |
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mood: exhausted music: weezer
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the past few days probably have been quite excessive...
blow, dank, alochol were my drugs of choice...
thursday night+wednesday nights: a blur of hitting the slopes, hookah, ganja, and good friends.
friday night: the day started with pot....tons of it. And since i didn't have school on fridays, i was ready for the night at 12pm. around 5pm or so...i started drinking.....a bottle of wine, some beer....i was pretty wasted. next thing i knew, mike, david and i went to a stop-light party....it was nuts...i left....came back....drank some more. after that i went to ben's, got pretty wasted...left like a thug
saturday night: one of the most excessive and intense nights ever. I woke up quite hung over, did my routine smoke session. It was around 3 or 4pm when i went to get a sack of snow (YUM). ironically we got it at 5pm, and since the party didnt start until 9pm, we did massive lines. at 9pm, it was pre-party time...fairly drunk, my friends and i took a cab to the party downtown. immediately once we got in, the bullets began. most of the time at the club was quite blurry for me, as well as the rest of people in the club. once i got back to campus, i didnt exactly feel like slumbering, so another party we go. surprisingly, not only did we went skiing again, but on the way back hit two gigantic blunts full of good ol' mary jane.
the amount of drugs in my system that night was quite unbelievable. |
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| back to school |
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| 01:24am 02/02/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated music: le tigre
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mmm...feelin kinda bummed...i need more drugs =]
its getting kinda boring today...
...this weekend....agenda: get beyond wasted...more than usual...get angry...fuck (with some luck)...pass out...intoxication...
i dont wanna feel shit...and beat shit up...woot |
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| just one more day... |
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| 11:06pm 27/01/2005 |
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mood:  satisfied music: star wars...haha
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pretty alrite day i've had...did the routine, went to my old club's fundraiser...smoked, ate a gigantic burger...got a haircut...that pretty much sums it up...=] |
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| an adventureful day |
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| 01:03am 27/01/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy music: yeah yeah yeahs
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today was an adventure, one filled with funNESS. woke up, showered, got dressed in my garb. after that, i went over to sofia's pad. We flew over to the bowling ally, smoked 2 bowls, bowled, ate. following that, we took a bus to the beach....that was nice...we then walked to a local coffee'ish place...i somehow rolled 2 joints in there...haha..
..smoked those on the beach in a life guard tower...it was already dusk...we headed bac
you know that you've smoked way too much in one day when everything that happened in that day seems blurred, or like if it happened days, weeks or even months ago...but it didnt...it happened today...=P
soo many pictures... |
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| hmmmm |
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| 08:59pm 25/01/2005 |
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mood:  mellow music: the doors
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and so....i am stoned again....lost in a swirl of hypnotic colors and the calmness of delays in time and reality...pot is certainly something...
and its at times like this, i think of music...history...art...attraction...love...war...hate...saddness...kindness...happiness...joy...lust...drugs...rock and roll...music.
all with arrows ----> pointed in the direction of right...right like light.
i want to leave this place that i call the sexy six-two-six. a place filled with nostalgic memories and a town immune to age.i fear if i stay any longer, my mind would slowly fall back into the ID...its too much. for if i stay any longer in this place of nostalgic thought, im afraid my mind would rest here...and not wanting to come back. thank god i only have a few more days =]...once i get back...one of my 1st duties is to work on my art as much as possible and complete works enough to be submitted to schools. my second job is to find that hot, tall, skinny, brunette, non-asian/foreign, scenester in heels/tight as hell pants/trendy two toned mod top/mod/scene/retro 70's, hair preferably black, girl.
on top of that...i have the munchies and now am ready to run downstairs and go crazy =] WOOOTTTT..... |
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| on another note.... |
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| 12:10am 25/01/2005 |
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mood: content music: jefferson airplane - somebody to love
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On another note...ive been getting a lot of mixed opinions about drugs from my friends down here in SO-cal. The majority aimed either one extreme or the other, EX: "DRUGS ARE STUPID" and "drugs are what i eat, sleep, and breath on", what didn't surprise me is that only a few truly understand the purpose of drugs, and have a mind mature enough to use them responsibly. MY own opinion on the use of drugs and psychedelic culture is that they are just mearly tools used to open up an individuals mind, as well as its use in recreation, and a its abilities to break certain cultural, racial, and social barriers. Yet, there is a fine line between recreation and dependency; when someone gets hooked on the comfort or rush or a drug to escape any personal issues, or when they become so dependent on a drug to aid them in social situations, a user's life will start to go down the drain. In ways, drugs had changed me in a way which now i have become more open to the many views that drug culture has. the best protection is to be educated, and not in the way which aims towards one extreme or the other, but neutrally...=] as long as rock and roll lives...drugs wont be far behind. |
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| mondays.... |
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| 11:43pm 24/01/2005 |
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mood: sleepy
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have you ever woken up on a day without any plans what-so-ever? days where you can just sit about, watch the tele, and do absolutely nothing? mondays became the lazy day in the rotation known as a week. pretty much...i just got high as a kite and started writing psychedelic songs.....floyd stuff...tripped out to a pink floyd live in pompei VCD....passed out...woke up...smoked more....ate...and now im here...sitting on my old computer, a relic from 2001 or 02, typing away this blog as well as checking myspace crap.
with my six week winter vacation coming to an end, my second semester of college is just around the corner...january 31st. things could go back to normal: homework, essays, music, getting wasted everyday, party on the weekends, getting in trouble...OR, i might just study a lil harder than i did, keep the getting wasted under control, make money.....i guess well hafta see how it goes once i get back =]
ITS AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE TIME!!!!! woot <3 |
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| last night..... |
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| 12:08pm 23/01/2005 |
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mood: awake
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saturday was crazy.....
i got up....went with deanna, eric, and de's friends to this guy sterling from the nay nay's birthday party....i got soo high..with some kids i met .....there was soo many alhambra people...and being there made me feel old...=P
when i got back...i got changed and tati and monique picked me up to go to a party...
...this party was nuts
every kinda people came...punks, thugs, scene....
....i got sooo wasted....and i got 2 grams for 15 bucks...haha..funny... |
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| 10:48pm 21/01/2005 |
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mood: high music: the beatles
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yo yo yo, mesa osca sua, asian stoner, sex boner,
rollin downtown on the 4 wheel honda, smokin dah dope.
bout half way i realized, the gang of gangs were ostrasized,
cops drivin round, chills spots were nowhere to be found.
MUNCHIES FOR THE CRUNCHIES i yelled out to the bunchies,
"crazy boy, what a fool" they said, as i dreamed of being in a pool.
stoned, droned, boned, moaned.......fuck...i am so high...so high so sex...<3
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| not much today |
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| 10:06pm 20/01/2005 |
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mood:  bored
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just stayed at home today...
time for aqua teen hunger force ...WOOOT...
=] |
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| good show |
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| 01:37am 20/01/2005 |
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mood: sleepy
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good show, good night...
thank god for friends, without them i would be wallowing a pool of boredom and more drugs. mike paulker + his friend elana + me went to a see a show at the key club tonite. surprisingly we saw lulu and a bunch of other kids from SF. the show was great, specially the last band....the chelsea...something or other..but yeah =]...now its time for some cartoons, music, and a lot of sleep......goodnight...<3 |
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| @#!#$!$^@%^ |
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| 02:49pm 19/01/2005 |
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mood:  lazy music: air - surfing on a rocket
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woke up kinda late today, around 12:30, did my morning routine and ate. now im back on the comp and bored as hell. i certainly hope my car gets fixed in time from the body shop. dad just took the car in today, and told me it would come back on the 28th (i certainly hope sooner for my sake). with nothing to do...i might just toke my zong and get high as a kite, watch some television, and jam.
check this out...crazy tower thing from someplace i went in china
bored and scouring through my comp, i somehow stumbled onto this picture from a toga party that happened many months ago...fun times...
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| bleh |
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| 06:08pm 18/01/2005 |
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music: air - alpha beta gaga
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the chest pain is a lil better...but...eh...still hurts...
didnt do much today, woke up and ate...walked around main st.
smoked a couple cigs, walked around some more, bored
life sucks without a car
all of a sudden...someone screams OCRA....i turn my head into that candy/chocolate shop on main...and standing by the counter was kirby and moose...
hung out there for a bit
kirbo took me home <3
and now...im here...sitting on the comp...getting dressed up for a briefing...*sigh*...tired
i miss SF |
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| didnt do much today |
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| 11:17pm 17/01/2005 |
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mood:  sore music: simon and garfunkel - scarborough fair
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sat around, watched le boob tube, being sick. i feel like crap, as if my lung was gonna collapse or something. possibly smoked something dirty and triggered my asthma (something which i just found out from mom). i need my car back, i need drugs, i need a lover <3
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| my first entry |
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| 04:33pm 17/01/2005 |
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mood:  stressed music: Le Tigre
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haha, my first entry
so far, since high school ended, its been an adventure with ups and downs. During mid summer, due to overcrowded dorms, i moved to San Francisco where i attended the infamously shitty but good for film majors, SAN FRANCISCO STATE UNIVERISITY. woot. ive been wasted everyday since i got there...well i have sober nights too...once in a while. the people who dorm with me mostly consist of southern californian natives who longed to escape their hometowns and embrace the liberal nature of the bay area. Drugs have become our form of recreation, smoking, drinking, and hard drugs. i started experimenting. some of the friends that i have made there are certainly needles in a haystack, i love them, we all love bohemian rhapsody and often sing it when drunk. numerous adventures with drugs, evading the PoPo, driving stoned, and wild parties, and wild women.
when i came back to alhambra for winter break, everything started faling apart. First, i got into a small accident and broke my rear taillight. The rest consisted of: getting a citation, losing money, getting into another car crash, being car-less.
who knows whats gonna happen when i get back to SF, perhapes more adventures, perhapes more bad shit. But one things for certain, its gonna be unexpected.
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xoscarxsux's journal